your_new_cuckoo: (pride)
[personal profile] your_new_cuckoo
Hey guys! Evidently I am a gang member. According to this delightful website, I am part of "a sinister force working around the clock to destroy the bond between woman and her man".

Thankfully they outline the characteristics of the evil lesbian:

boys haircut
close cropped pearl earrings sometimes only one
boys collared shirts sometimes with boys tie
masculine sleeveless vest
boys suit coat
mens construction shoes
ghostly drab facial expression and color because of no makeup

The lesbian code prohibits any enhances which may attract a heterosexual man.



Even more useful tips are offered to protect you from selecting a lesbian doctor.

If a womyn doctor is forced upon you, don't be ashamed; ask questions; get a biography on her; find out if she has ever been a political activist.
If you find some means of recognition too difficult, the sure giveaway is to check if the doctor ever took a "womyn study course," and if so, then you better scat as fast and far as you can. Or, if all else fails, ask her if she would mind taking a lie-detector test. Never the less, above and beyond all else, never, ever, be shamed, intimidated, or threatened from asking for a biography check. Or, better yet, to avoid all the hassle, just demand a man doctor. That's what I do.



And then there is the useful guide to the various handicaps suffered by lesbians:

LESBIANISM-A PATHETIC LIFE STYLE

Exclusively heterosexual women can, in mid-life, develop lesbian feelings and behavior. This is a well known clinical feature of lesbianism. It often occurs during marriage or after marriage break-up, with no clinically observable hint of prior existence - not even lesbian fantasies.

78% of lesbians value highly "Dildos"

Lesbians are 19 times more likely than heterosexual women to have syphilis, twice as likely to suffer from genital warts and 4 times as likely to have scabies. A lesbian is 3 times more likely to get breast cancer than a heterosexual woman.



Though I would hope most people aren't this insane, and I'm mostly sure that's the case, it's still disheartening to know that at least one guy (along with his many published sources) do feel this way.

Date: 2006-02-11 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jessity.livejournal.com
I'm well on my way with my boy's hair cut and highly valued dildo.

Keep an eye on your mailbox for that toaster!

Date: 2006-02-11 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonblink.livejournal.com
Shit. I have:

-- pricey girly salon haircut
-- two earrings in each earlobe (and one in the tragus)
-- tailored women's dress shirts (no ties)
-- no sleveless vests
-- one tailored maroon denim suit coat (vaguely makes me look like a concierge)
-- understated shades of long-wear lipstick on most days, plus occasional eye makeup
-- no dildos
-- no syphilis, genital warts, scabies, or breast cancer.

On the bright side, I do have a pair of men's steeltoed workbooks I wear on occasion. But still, apparently I'm lacking in LesboCred(tm). I better shape up or they'll take away my dyke license.

They can have my subscription to Car & Driver when they pry it from my cold, dead, short-nailed hands.

Date: 2006-02-11 05:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] your-new-cuckoo.livejournal.com
I know, dude. I am going to have to stop wearing makeup and get myself a pearl earring.

Date: 2006-02-11 08:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] javamaven1.livejournal.com
Most people aren't this insane. It's going to take a long, long time when homosexuality, bisexuality and all the shades of the Kinsey scale are accepted as being 'okay'.

Still, I had to laugh when I saw this:

WHY DO LESBIANS SPREAD HATE

Yes, tell me, why do you spread the hate, young lady?

Date: 2006-02-11 12:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lala2.livejournal.com
SO you're the one who's been spreading all that hate. I wondered who it was.

In the picture, the guy looks like he is wearing a leisure suit. :) Makes me admire him even MORE!

Date: 2006-02-11 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] srb.livejournal.com
I'm really just having trouble getting past ...America's powerful, government financed Lesbian Mafia.

Date: 2006-02-11 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geobabe1.livejournal.com
Seriously...how can I get in on this gummint money? I mean, I'm married to a man, but I value highly "Dildos" and don't wear makeup.

Date: 2006-02-11 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hopsing.livejournal.com
Hey...me too, maybe we can become "double agents"

Date: 2006-02-14 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gypsy88.livejournal.com
..I am appalled. I hate people. But hey, don't you feel kinda cool? I've always wanted to be in a gang and be a menace to society... you're living my dream for me! Woot!


I have a woman doctor. She might be a lesbian. But she's a damned good doctor.

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