your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
There's no way I am turning this thing in at 2pm today. ProfBoy will just have to wait until tomorrow to read my brilliant perspective. I know, I know. But I could turn in 6 pages today, or closer to 15 tomorrow (maybe 12?). There isn't a grade on this draft- just an opportunity for him to make comments. As god as my witness, I'll never procrastinate again!

In other news, I think I have an aneurysm at the base of my skull. Of course it could just be a tension headache. But the aneurysm is so much more dramatic. And I think that would explain the very odd mood I am in right now. And have been in for the last few hours. Lalalalaaaaaaa.

And burned english muffins make the baby jesus cry. (is that joke played out? I want to stay hip, you know...)

And now a poll:

[Poll #10644]
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
On my way to see my government adviser this afternoon, I ran into Dr. Sager in the elevator. I took all three of Dr. Sager's constitutional law classes and loved them. Even when I felt like not doing any of my other homework, this was the stuff I loved to do. I worked my ass off in his classes and really wanted him to think well of me. Unfortunately that never happened. Well, maybe he did think well of me, but I was never able to break into the Sager Circle. That always bugged me, but not enough for me to avoid him. I always learn something from Sager. I haven't enjoyed my other government classes nearly as much as I have enjoyed his.

Anyway, we said hello and then he said, "Haven't you graduated yet?!" He said the same thing to me last February when I saw him at a friend's wedding. I told him that I would be graduating in May and he said, "My, it's taking a long time, hmm?" GROWL No, stupid! It isn't! I took my first class with you in Spring of 1999! I will graduate a mere 3 years after that, you jerk! Argh! Yes, I am 24. Yes, all my friends from high school have graduated and have Real Lives. But I have only been going to school full time since Fall 1998. Eight semesters. Four years. Bite me, Sager. Oh, and by the way, I am enrolling in your Law of Politics class next spring. Think I could get a recommendation letter for law school? Argh.

So on to the meeting with the government advisor. I am so close to graduation I can almost taste it. Assuming I pass the italian class and the geology class, I will only need to take 2 government classes, a sociology class and the final italian class. That seems like a decent semester. A government class with Sager and one on the politics of the Supreme Court. Bitter (YCT chair) is going to take the Sager class with me, so I am doubly excited. As for sociology, there are tons of great classes being offered. I am hoping to get into the Deviance class. It shouldn't be a problem as I get to register early in the process. Of course italian will continue to kick my ass. I told my advisor that if I ever become rich I will only donate large sums of money to the University if they lower the language requirement to 2 semesters instead of 4. Italian has been the source of so much stress the past couple years. Ugh. And I will be broke for so long by the time I get to Italy I will have forgotten all those silly verbs and phrases! Bah to a liberal arts education.

I have decided to change my status to pass/fail in my government class. This means the class will only count as an elective and not contribute to my major. But that is fine because 1. to try for a grade would screw up my 3.5 in government, 2. the requirement it fulfilled can be easily replaced by the Supreme Court class. And, in case you didn't know already, I hate this class. A lot.

But the basic point is that there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Now if I can just make it through without getting hit by the train.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
I have seen minimal sunlight this weekend. Overall I feel a little better, which is to say I am no longer wishing for death. This morning I woke up with a fever and chills and that damned rock feeling again. Well, that's what I get for bending the food rules. Who knew butter could be so dangerous? :)

While it is nice to be lazy all weekend, there is a ton of stuff that didn't get done. A refill on my brain medicine, for one. Baaaad me. I'll get it done tomorrow. And I have to be sure to call the ultrasound people again. Ugh. Why did my insurance have to be so screwy? I don't want to go get a procedure to confirm the need for surgery and not be able to have it because there is no way in hell I'll be able to afford it. I don't even know how I'll pay for the ultrasound. Ugh. This is just the stuff you want to read about, eh? :)

Woo! Eleven days until Dopetoberfest. I am so excited, but at the same time I am terrified. All you crazy people crammed into a few hotel rooms. Yikes. I just hope there is no drama. There are the hints of drama right now on a few fronts, and I certainly don't want to have to be witness to it.

Hmm. There is a ton more I feel like saying about random things, but I am burning up. So I am going to bed.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
I should be in Ft Worth right now. I had planned to leave around 10pm last night so as to avoid the Austin traffic to Dallas. This weekend we play OU at the Cotton Bowl and I think all 50,000 students were on the road. But 10 pm came and I still felt like I had been kicked in the stomach repeatedly. So I miss the Indy race. :(

And I miss my family. I haven't been home since the very end of August for my mom's birthday and my parents' wedding anniversary. Konnor is talking like crazy. The other day I called my brother to find out about the Army physical. He has to go to a specialist about a lump in his leg and then he will take his aptitude test. While he and I were talking, Konnor kept asking for the phone. R got him to say "I love you Aunt Kris" and I just about died. What a sweet baby. That cured the baby aches right there. I guess I just have to hang out with him every now and then to keep the reproductive urge at bay. ;)

Well, even though my defective gallbladder screwed up my recovery week, I still feel like I ended it on a mostly positive note. I missed my appointment with Lynne because a certain chemist kept me up waaaaay past my bedtime, but I called her and she seemed understanding. Of course this is the 3rd time I have missed an appointment with her. And I am sure it has to be getting on her nerves, but she won't say anything because she doesn't want me to feel badly.

I wish I could fall asleep. I am so sore that it hurts to move, breathe, yawn, and pretty much just to exist. And I would kill for a cheeseburger and some fried mushrooms. But I am restricted to bland food. Mmmmm. Oatmeal. :p

On a brighter note, I got a Mink Car in the mail today! My dear joeykins bought it for me. Isn't he just the living end?! The bee's knees, I tell you. Thanks joeykins, I love you!
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
There is something strangely attractive about tossing the plan I have been working on and going the exact opposite way. Go off, get married, have tons of kids and drive them all to soccer practice in my SUV. Last night at the movies there was a family in the back row. They had a little boy who looked to be about 3 or 4, and a tiny little baby girl who couldnt have been older than 9 months. The little boy and I shared a little grin and a wave, and I just wanted to scoop him up and ask to hold the little girl too.

Ahhh, I hate the baby aches. Every once in a while I get this urge to be surrounded with little babies who smell like baby powder and curl their little fingers around your hands. The best feeling in the world is a sweet little baby sleeping on your chest.

Who is this typing? Where is Krissy Monchichi and what have you done to her?!
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
I just finished watching Bill Maher clarify his "coward" comments on Jay Leno. I didn't think a clarification was necessary. I am concerned that everyone will censor themselves, or that we will require it of one another when speaking of this crisis. Already people are taking issue with the use of the word "crusade" to describe this. Please. And "Infinite Justice" is offensive because only Allah can provide that. And there have been places disallowing flags to be flown for fear of offending foreigners in our country. Have we really gotten to the point where we can't do or say anything for fear of offending someone somewhere?!

Yes, we have to keep a watchful eye on the government in times of crisis. We can't allow lawmakers to use our patriotism as an excuse for immoral acts. But there is also a "circle the wagons" kind of mentality that is necessary as well.

I agree that we do have to be careful what we say. For example, that moron in Louisiana, Cooksey. The "diaper head" comment should get him run out of town on a rail. And Falwell. Well, when isn't he saying something dumb? But I worry about the extreme. Prohibiting flags for fear of insulting people? People who, chances are, chose to be here? When we get more concerned with everyone's assumed feeeeelings we lose sight of what's important.

Just as we have to be conscious of what we do say, we have to note what isn't said as well. Sometimes I think what isn't said can be worse. For example, Bush's speech Thursday night. Mentioning Britain as our "truest friend" and not noting Canada's contributions really hurt some feelings. Justifiably, I think. I doubt it was an intentional slight. I doubt Britain would have gotten a specific mention if Blair hadn't been in the chamber.

I think of my friends that I haven't spoken to in a long time, or friends that I said I would call back but haven't. And then there's T. I care so much about him, but I am not sure what to do about it. I want things to be easy. But they aren't.

It's important to tell people how you feel. It's important not to self-censor. Don't assume people know what you think of them. It's possible that they don't.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
I'm watching the memorial service at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City. I have never been a big church goer, but when I do go, I always leave feeling calm and meditative. I love the Catholic Mass. I love that it never changes. Always the same prayers and responses. And I love how silent the church is, even as people are coming in before mass starts, and as they leave.

I love that I was raised Catholic and got the chance to go to Catholic school for a few years. I haven't been confirmed yet, though. I chose not to be. I didn't (and still don't) feel like my faith is strong enough. I believe that there is a higher power, but sometimes I feel like I believe it because it's what I have always been told. And sometimes I feel like I believe because I just couldn't stand to think there isn't a bigger point to everything. I'd like to think at the end there might be some answers.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Goddamn everything. And everyone. I am tired. But I am still awake. I laid in bed for awhile, I don't know for how long. But I am back here, and I am lonely. May could have something to do with VB and her shots. Of course I was only supposed to keep track, not participate. But whatever. I keep biting on my tongue because there is some cut on it that hurts. It hurts when I bite on it, but in a weird pleasurable way. Yeah, I'm a freak. Whatever. I wish I could bite the end of my tongue off. It hurts. And I hurt, and I wish I had something to show for that. Isn't it odd that people feel they need something to show for their pain? The pain isn't enough; they need something tangible. Like a bruise. Or a scar. Isn't it strange how the mind works in some of us? And isn't it strange that we should share that with virtual strangers?
your_new_cuckoo: (bw max)
You're on a plane that's being hijacked or that is crashing. If you have a cell phone, do you make a call to a loved one? Do you stay on the phone until death? Do you hang up? What do you say? Imagine that phone call.

If Osama bin Laden was involved, what does this say about religion? Is this a good enough reason to be an atheist?

Should we rethink the anti-assassination policy?

What is it that is going on? Is there more to come? Will our response be something that ends it, or will there be a second strike? Will we get past the diplomatic rhetoric and actually do something?

Okay. Another story of a personal phone call. The whole thing rattles me, but these are the stories that get to my core. Hearing that Barbara Olson called her husband twice from the hijacked plane that crashed into the Pentagon brought it home. Then hearing that poor woman on ABC recount the conversation with her son who died in the Somerset crash. This makes it real.

I've spent the entire day online. To me it is completely normal and fine. But I am sure my family thinks it is nutso. Eh. I guess I should get a second line or maybe cable....

I can't keep my head on straight. I want so much to go do something else. I want to get involved in something else. I need a distraction. But I can't concentrate on punto chiave C or the politics of reality right now. I need something. I just don't know what.
your_new_cuckoo: (tony)
If I had a million dollars, I would buy an RV and follow the NASCAR circuit. No job, no ties. Just racing. And in the off season I would drive around the country waiting tables...or something. I guess I would need more than a million dollars, but maybe I would invest or something.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
I feel so freakin good today. I'm a little tired, and I am behind in a couple of my classes, but I just feel....exuberant.

After italian class today, I sat at my bus stop reading Atlas Shrugged (yes, finally Mikey) and eating chocolate. It has been sunny but not too hot today with a lovely breeze. It typically takes about 4 busloads to disperse the massive crowd at my bus stop. Instead of fighting the hordes today, I sat them out. I was able to take an empty bus home and read the whole way.

I was supposed to have lunch with a friend of mine today, but like the slug I have become, I overslept. I woke up just as I should have been getting off the bus and going to the Egg Roll Death Cart to meet her. Rachelllll! I'm sorry. Please email me.

Okay, I am off to get the oil changed in my car, pick up my prescription and some mystery pictures I had developed, and make a copy of my insurance so I can send the state its blood money for my car.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Hm. I have slipped from cooking my meals everyday to el cheapo frozen meals. I predict that by Friday I shall be surviving on whatever crackers or twizzlers are left in the apartment. Actually, I had better cook tomorrow. I bought meat at the grocery store yesterday, in a flash of optimism, and it would really kill me to have to toss it out. I already have to throw out some sausage that has been staring at me for a couple of weeks now. I would just toss it all in the freezer, but then I would never cook it. When I moved out of the old apartment I threw out about 10 bucks worth of chicken that I thought I would eventually cook. The sell by dates were from last September and November.

First day of school was today. I had italian, 1-2pm. I got to the bus stop at noon, right on schedule. I arrived at the classroom with plenty of time to spare, so I leafed through my notes from previous italian classes. I noticed people around me with the telltale purple italian book writing what looked to be essays. There were too many of them on the same page in the book for it to be coincidental, so I asked someone what the deal was. Turned out that the italian professors all gave a homework assignment to their ITL507 classes. I wasn't in ITL507 last semester. I was in the accelerated second year italian class. If I had passed it I would be done with this ridiculous language requirement.

I am all for well-rounded students. I think people should be aware of cultures besides their own. But I don't think I should have to take four semsters of a language when business and most of the science students don't. People should know foreign languages. But we should learn them in elementary school, while our brains are still mushy.

Ugh. It is killing my GPA. Of course, so are the science requirements. And the math. And the electives. Okay, I would rather just take all government classes. Would that be too much to ask?
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
hip, hip.

In a burst of energy late last night (or early this morning) I finished putting the apartment together. I finally put away all my shoes and my linens. I set up the bookcases and moved furniture to where it belongs. I unpacked the last kitchen box. I put up all my little comics and junk on the refrigerator. I set up my meager "entertainment center" and stressed a little over spending the TV money given to me by my parents. I finally took the last items out of my car. I have a large rug but it really doesn't go with the room. I am not sure what to do with it. And I have tons of pictures waiting to be hung, but those can all wait quietly in the corner.

It finally feels like I live here. It's a funky apartment, but it is mine, so I love it. The people upstairs are always moving something so it sounds like there is a perpetual thunderstorm outside, but it's a minor annoyance.

School starts tomorrow. I can't believe how quickly the summer flew by. I bought most of my books yesterday. Thankfully most of them are small paperbacks. The government class looks like some dense reading, but the sociology stuff seems pretty simple. My oceanology book was $90 new, but I was lucky enough to find a used copy on the bottom shelf for only $67. Heh. Only.

I love the beginning of a new semester because I get to wander the aisles of the bookstore, discovering all the new things I will learn. I feel so full of hope. The new semester is error free. I have perfect attendance, the professor thinks I am smart, and I understand every word he says. I have to be careful not to build the new semester up too much, because I know I am only setting myself up for failure. But I always loved back-to-school time. All the new pens and notebooks, and schedule books. So much promise.

moving day

Aug. 11th, 2001 02:57 pm
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Today was moving day. My mom, dad and younger sister came to Austin to help move my furniture and various odds and ends this morning. They arrived a little before noon and since I have the Rocket Dad, we got started right away.

I took apart my bed and my desk and bookcases on Friday evening, and dismantled another bookcase while they were loading the truck today. With my dad, the move is done as quickly as possible. He wouldn't even stop to breathe or get water unless my mom forcibly sat him down.

He does a lot of things like that. When he would take my brothers shopping for clothes, they would come home with all the wrong sizes, since he didn't make them try anything on. He went in, asked their sizes, grabbed stuff off the rack and paid for it and got home. He was only allowed to take my brothers shopping that one time.

But in the world of packing, his speed is also efficient, so he comes in handy. He has the ability to look at a room full of stuff and know just how it will all fit in the truck. And moving that monstrous couch in and out of the front doors would have been pretty rough if he hadn't been there.

But I wish he wouldn't try to do everything himself. It was really hot outside today and he had a heartattack a few years ago. Not only that, but on the way here my mom said he got very nauseous. I am worried about him, and every time I would ask him how he was he would tell me to quit worrying. But I can't. In fact, I am a little scared that something may happen on the way home. I tried to get him to drink, but it was like pulling teeth.

He knows he has this heart condition, but he refuses to recognize he may have to slow down. All he knows is there is something that needs to be done, and he has to be the one to do it. And in a way he is right. My brothers are not all that dependable. My youngest brother was supposed to help (which is why I didn't hire a moving crew) but at the last minute he decided to try out for Fear Factor. And the other brother had to stay with Konnor, though I guess Jasmine could have taken him. My brothers are willing to help out, and they work hard, but only on their schedule.

I know my fears are probably overblown, but ever since I lost my grandfather, I have been worried that everyone around me will die. Last October (2 months after he died), my parents went on a cruise. I was on edge the whole time. I was sure the ship would sink, or they would get in an accident on the way home. And now I am worried my dad will have a heartattack. Ugh. I told my mom to rein him in, but she says she is doing all she can. He needs to SLOW DOWN. And she needs to kick his ass into gear.

Okay, enough of that. I had a very long phone conversation out of the blue with T last night. Was a good call, but I am not collected enough to talk about it yet. I mentioned it to my parents, but as soon as I did, I wished I hadn't. They worry that I won't ever get back on my feet, so any mention of him is scary to them. I hope that passes. I care for him so much, and I want for them to see how wonderful he is, and how good our relationship was. It is still tender to them, I know, and he "hurt their baby," but their baby is doing better and enjoyed the phone call. I wish they got it. Maybe eventually.

I am exhausted from the move, and my head is still all jumbled. I will update a little later.

Hi Pat!
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Ever have one of those days where absolutely nothing can bother you? The sun is shining, the air smells nice, everything is just good. I am having one of those days. I missed class, but I didn't mind so much because I was in such a good mood. The world is a beautiful place.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
How did it get to be 3pm? I had intended to go see Monty Python and the Holy Grail and then go gobble chinese food, but there was a leak in my bathroom so I had to wait for maintenance. Now I have to get packed to go to Ft Worth this weekend. I don't waaaannnnna go. The drive will be nice. I love the three hours of time to myself. I just hope there isn't alot of traffic.

I also hope Konnor remembers me! My being gone for such long stretches of time confuses him. My brother (his dad) got a job in Oklahoma. He'll commute on the weekends. Luckily he will be just north of the border, so it isn't such a long trip. But I worry that he won't be around for Konnor enough. He is in a tough spot. He needs to be earning money, and this job pays really well. But he needs to be with his son, but Konnor can't go to OK with him. I worry about them both. But hopefully this job will give him the self-confidence and independence he needs.

Okay. Enough. I am gone for the weekend. Again.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Yikes it is late. I got all caught up in messing with the color schemes and fonts. Ugh. Tonight was going to be an early night.

Tonight I went to dinner with one of the YCTers that I met at the retreat. We had hamburgers, which was good, because I definitely didn't want to have eggs again tonight. We talked for hours! I had forgotten how nice it is to sit and eat and talk with someone. I had a great time.

I have a meteorology test later today. Ugh. I studied yesterday in the library for about 3 hours with someone from class. It should be easy for me, as I had to explain all the material to the guy I was with. I don't think I will study with him anymore. I don't like having to be the tutor.

Why does Richard Gephardt yell so much? He has a mike on the House floor. Does he think yelling makes his incorrect ideas sound smarter?

I am supposed to go home this weekend, but I would rather not. I am moving from this apartment a week from this Saturday, and I could use the time to pack. Furthermore, the family will all be down here helping move me, so it isn't like this weekend is the last time to see me for while. But Sunday is Konnor's birthday and my mom is really anxious for me to come home. Ugh.

I miss them, in theory. Especially Konnor. He is getting so big and is starting to speak in sentences. I just love that little guy. A visit with him will do me good, as I have been having the baby aches lately. Tonight at the restaurant there were several tiny babies and I just wanted to scoop them all up. Sweet smelling cuddly babies that grab onto your fingers and sleep on your chest. But I still don't want to bear children. And any kids I may have through adoption will have the pleasure of a stay at home dad. He can take them to school and clean the house and make dinner while I am off conquering the world.

Hmmm. To sleep or not to sleep. It is 5am and I have to be on the bus in 4 hours. I think if I sleep, I am done for. I will miss class and the test, or I will be late again and I doubt Kimmel will be as gracious the 2nd time in a row.

AAAArgh. I am so tired. And dumb too.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
People are so damn confusing. No wonder I prefer my books.

HIP HIP!

Jul. 19th, 2001 07:31 pm
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
It is amazing what a nice haircut and some red hair dye can do for a person. I was upset about the status of my hair right after I colored it, but with this haircut it looks fantabulous. The stylist cut off 3 inches so most of the black is gone. Hooray! Now I have red hair with black streaks. It is a very cool haircut. I look different and that is just what I needed.

Tomorrow I am having lunch with a fellow LJer who is also at UT. I am looking forward to it, but of course I am terrified, but I promised to come out of my cave. And I can't very well turn down lunch offers and then continue to be upset that I don't have any friend prospects. (Hi Rachel!)

Today was my last group session. It was kind of sad, especially since one of the guys won't be coming back in the fall. He has to take a second job, so he won't have time. But the other girl will be back in the fall, which I am most happy about. She is so nice. And highly perceptive. One of the group leaders won't be back either, since she will be working on something else as part of an internship for her masters or phd or something. She is also my individual counselor, and at first said we would have to stop meeting because of her schedule change. I was really upset by that because I didn't want to have to start over. But thankfully she is able to keep seeing a few people and I was lucky enough to be one of them.

I am starving. I guess I will go wade through the dirty dishes in the kitchen to forage for food.
your_new_cuckoo: (Default)
Checked the government grade today. The exams weren't posted, but the cumulative grades were. I got a B. A sucky, crappy, mediocre B. And please don't rush to comment that I should be proud of that B and that it is a good grade. I know that. It is a respectable grade. But not the one I needed/wanted. And certainly not what I was capable of. By now I can take a government class with my eyes closed and get a B. I am tired of it. I studied all week only to be undone by mind gremlins. I think I don't really want to graduate as much as I say I do.

I still haven't finished compiling the ratings. I have all the factual information, but I am having trouble writing the recommendation. I don't want to look dumb in front of the big bad YCTers.

I need a haircut. I went to get that done today, but they were booked, so I had to make an appointment for tomorrow. I was disappointed, because I really wanted it done today. Not only was I tired of looking at brown hair, I am tired of wearing the same ponytail/bun everyday. I just hope I can pull off shorter hair. Though I can barely pull off the longer hair, so it's really six of one, half dozen of the other. Something I am sure of though is that my mother will hate all of it. The only real variable is whether she'll hate the color or the cut more.

I can see where this is going so I will close here.
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